Forget Gentle Parenting. Is Stupid Parenting on the rise?
Parenting isn't a pet project or a casual experiment. Every choice you make impacts your child's whole life. It's a big responsibility.
My generation grew up with parents who took things too seriously, leaving us with enough baggage and scars. Now, the next-generation of parents are swinging it too far in the other direction, not realizing the importance of their role.
Why am I talking about this now? What made me write this post? A tweet.
The tweet I saw yesterday said,
When I have kids I will make sure that they fail in some subjects once or twice a year so they don't become the scene podra topper kids in school we all dealt with while growing up.
While the tweet was written on a lighter note (I really hope the intention was to be funny), the content of the tweet bothered me.
Wishing failure on your child so they don't become arrogant or act too smart is a messed up idea.
Imagine being a kid and knowing your parents are intentionally making things harder for you. That's a recipe for resentment, not healthy development.
What is parenting?
Becoming a father made me pause and reflect on this question. I don't have a definitive answer yet, but I've got some idea.
To me, good parenting is all about finding balance. We shouldn't force our children down paths they don't want, nor should we intentionally create hardships for the sake of teaching a lesson. Life itself will provide plenty of challenges and opportunities for them to learn and grow.
We should share our values and perspectives, honestly and respectfully, and encourage our children to form their own informed opinions.
For example, if I'm an atheist and my wife is a believer, it's not my place to dictate my daughter's spiritual path. Instead, we should, as parents, expose her to our belief systems, explain our views about belief, and trust her to make her own choices.
And, as parents, we shouldn't hesitate to call out their bulls**t. That's also our responsibility.
And no TikTok video, or reel or a parenting influencer's class is going to teach you this. It's something you'll have to learn as your kid grows up.
My approach, or at least what I have in mind, is to ask myself, “If my parents had done this to me, would I be okay with it?”
If the answer is no, I'll reconsider before making that decision for my child.
It's not a fancy framework, just common sense. And common sense is an invaluable tool for good parenting. I'll share more on this topic later, but that's all I have for now.
See ya!